


What Lies Beneath

by EternalFangirl



Category: The Living and the Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Coda, F/M, Gen, Introspection, Like the rest of us mortals, Nathan mulling the big cliffhanger, Post-Series, Suicidal Thoughts, after series, parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8494399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalFangirl/pseuds/EternalFangirl
Summary: Nathan couldn’t imagine any scenarios in which he would deem it justifiable to kill Charlotte. Nonetheless, he was prepared.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I realized I had to name the baby. I named her Audrey, which means noble and strong. The male name Arthur means the same. Don’t judge me.

He didn’t tell her.

****

What could he say? Nathan didn’t want to worry Charlotte, didn’t want to bring all of their past back by sharing something he still didn’t understand. He knew what would happen. He would tell her he had seen strange people in the house, and she would be worried again.

****

And he was not blaming her for suspecting his mental health. If sometimes she looked at him not unlike the manner in which he had looked at his patients, he certainly deserved it, and much more. He had, after all, almost killed her and Audrey.

****

Maybe he was going to kill Charlotte.

He didn’t understand. He loved her more than himself, more than anything in the whole world. Charlotte and Audrey were the centre of his existence. Why would he kill his wife? Maybe they had been lying, the mysterious strangers. They had started laughing at his confusion, taunting him for a murder he had no intention of committing. Was everything happening all over again? The woman in red had been from the future. These people were, once again, from the future. Why? How?

****

They were lying, he decided as he tossed and turned on his bed, needing sleep and fearing it in equal measure. The first few nights after the strange vision, he had dreamed of his hands wrapped around Charlotte’s throat and a crazed glint in his own eyes. He had seen her burn, he had seen her drown. The nightmares always woke him up, and he wanted no more of it.

****

The strangers had looked too pleased with themselves to be reliable sources of his future. They were all drunk, even the women. He could see it in their relaxed postures. His panicked demand for straight answers had made them all laugh. He was certain they were only tormenting him.

****

Still, he feared sleep.

* * *

Audrey was the light of Nathan’s life.

****

He had heard the servants tell Charlotte of how better he was as a father this time around, but he refused to feel any guilt. Gabriel had been a happy child, even though Nathan had been distant. He was determined to do better. He was determined to love Audrey so much that he would become one of the parents that girls distanced themselves from in balls and parties.

****

She made it so easy to love her. Her soft fuzzy hair was somewhere between her mother’s red and her father’s brown, with Nathan’s blue eyes. She loved to grab hold of Nathan’s hair with her chubby little hands, and he had already vowed not to cut till she outgrew her favourite game. Charlotte laughed at him–quite heartily, he may add–whenever he willing let Audrey tug at his hair.

****

There were times when Nathan would come home in the evening, the smell of the spring clinging to him, to find Charlotte in the nursery, rocking Audrey to sleep as the baby fed with gusto. Those were the moments where he realized he did believe in God, for he was grateful. There was so much love and affection in his heart in that moment. He had fucked everything up so much that he hadn’t thought it possible to have this life anymore. He was humbled that he was allowed to have it, allowed to have his girls and a farm to feed them from.

****

He was never going to harm either of them. And if anyone else wanted to try, they were going to have to go through him.

* * *

The fourth time he had apologized to Charlotte for his behaviour, his heavily pregnant wife had thrown a music box and him and demanded lychees.

****

She had told him later, when he was doing his best to massage her swollen feet, that she didn’t want to dwell on what had happened for the rest of their lives. She wanted to focus on their future, not their past, and if he kept finding different ways to apologize for his breakdown, they would never be able to forget.

****

Nathan had asked her if that meant he could stop massaging her feet. She had thrown the cushions at him, one at a time, and she answered. Of course he could stop–on pain of death.

****

Nathan had never mentioned his troublesome behaviour after that. Charlotte never spoke of it either. Instead, she simply applied herself to proving to the whole house that she was still very much in love with Nathan. Her public displays of trust and affection were the talk of the town for while, and they helped everyone move on and forget that Nathan hadn’t been his best this past autumn. The harvest was coming, and the workers needed to trust their master.

****

He told no one about the true purpose of the knife he kept hidden in his boot. Everyone thought he did it to look dashing, or as Charlotte put it, to prove his manliness if there were ever a spare rabbit in the fields. He kept it close at all times. If it felt like he was going to really murder Charlotte, he would kill himself first.

****

Nathan didn’t deserve a wife as good as Charlotte, and he was going to keep her safe. Even from himself, if it came down to that.


End file.
